Posts Tagged ‘weight watchers’

Climbing Back On The Wagon After A Hard Fall

littleredwagonWhen I wrote my blog post on Wednesday, I wrote that I was struggling with staying on track food-wise. I somehow managed to stay in control until that evening when I came home to pizza and scarfed two pieces without even thinking about it. I will admit, even though I felt a little guilty later, it felt GOOD to eat with abandon. So good, in fact, that it sent me on a downward spiral for the next four days. By day four, however, it didn’t feel so good anymore.

Thursday there was seafood bisque in a bread bowl and delicious chocolate truffles. Friday it was an overload on english muffins with butter and cinnamon sugar (a favorite treat but I always stop at one. Mind you, these are the high-fiber, low-cal multigrain english muffins and I used light butter, but still. Did I really need two of them?

Saturday, ah what can I say about Saturday. If it didn’t try to run away from me, I ate it. Candy, more pizza, whoopie pies (have you ever had those?) ice cream….the list goes on. Food shopping was a dangerous thing to do on Saturday.

And yesterday, while I started to regain some control, I still ate some of the wrong things.

During this, I did still try to make some healthy choices, as though that would somehow magically make the madness stop. It didn’t. And I exercised and drank my water…same reasoning, same results.

By last night though, I felt out of control and a little nervous that I’d screwed up big-time and wouldn’t be able to pull it back. And my stomach hurt.

I think I’d been heading toward this for awhile, and that may have a lot to do with my stalled weight loss. Little tastes here and there that I wasn’t tracking, a slightly larger than measured portion, an extra treat.

Last night, through a twitter conversation with @patbarone, I realized that I had put myself on vacation mentality, and I was also feeling overwhelmed by stuff I have to get done at home over the next few days. Procrastination by food.

This morning, though, on the 3-mile run that I really didn’t feel like tackling (this is why I sign up for races), I realized that instead of being proud of myself, I’ve been beating myself up again. Instaed of focusing on how far I’ve come, I’ve been frustrated with how slow the weight loss is going and that I’d like to be further along in my tri training.

While I was running this morning, I reversed that. How far have I come, for goodness sake? What can I do now that I couldn’t a year ago? What positive changes have I made that stuck? I’m running. In the beginning, I was barely walking. I’m a size 12. I was a size 20. I drink lots of water and very little soda. I eat so much healthier than I did. I even eat vegetables and lean protein and whole grains.

So many things have changed for the better for me since I started this journey. So “fat girl” managed to creep back in for a couple of days. “Fit girl” is stronger and today she has pushed “fat girl” to the back corner again.

I don’t doubt that “fat girl” will show up from time to time. She’s been a part of me a lot longer than “fit girl,” and man, does she love her chocolate!  But I know I’m strong enough now to regain my healthy self even after a hard fall off the wagon.

As @patbarone said, “it’s not about what feels good now. It’s about what feels good later.” Today is later, my resolve is back, and I feel great!

Advertisements

Lifting The Limits – Why I Started Losing Weight

When I see people I haven’t seen in a long time, I am usually met with surprise at the changes I’ve made. After the “You look great!” comments, which of course I love, the questions start. “How’d you do this?” “What motivated you?”

Answering the how is easy: Eating healthier and exercise.

Answering the why is a lot harder. What was my motivation? Why did it work this time when it hadn’t in the past? That’s the $6 million dollar question.

I’ve always told people that I was turning 50 and I didn’t want to feel old. And that’s what I told myself too. But I knew that wasn’t the whole reason. I just couldn’t put my finger on it. After all, the age factor didn’t help when I was turning 30 or even 40.

I’ve thought about this often during the journey. Why, this time, is it easier to control what I eat? What makes me get out of bed at 5:45 and go swim or run or get on a bike? Why am I going to the gym this week to pay them more money so I can start Pilates and Yoga classes? What makes me believe that this is the time these changes will stick?

The answer came to me when I was writing yesterday’s post about swimming in the ocean after a long time away.

I had gotten to a point where I was allowing my weight and my fitness level to impose limits on what I could and couldn’t do.

Of course, we all have limits. I’ll never be an olympic gymnast, for example, and I can’t play golf to save my life.  I wouldn’t have aspired to those sports when I was 14 either. But I used to love swimming in the ocean. And I had stopped because I was out of shape and afraid that I couldn’t do that anymore.

At 48, I tore two rotator cuff tendons, a bicep tendon, and developed bursitis and arthritis in my left shoulder. Don’t ask me how. I’m not really sure. But it hurt to move my arm so I didn’t. And my shoulder froze and for four painful months, I couldn’t move my arm. Physical therapy and time helped me get my range of motion back. I didn’t need surgery, thank goodness. But I will never be completely pain-free in that shoulder. Had I been in better physical condition, maybe I wouldn’t have damaged my shoulder. Or even if I had, maybe my recovery would have been easier.

I’m getting older. There is no stopping the clock. And I’m ok with that. As long as I don’t let my age get in the way of the things I want to do in my life.  I realized as I approached 50 that it wasn’t my age so much as my fitness level that was limiting me. Getting winded going up stairs, being uncomfortable in a plane seat or walking on a beach, worrying that I was going to break a horse I was riding on vacation when I was only 20 pounds below the weight limit (that’s a whole different story!).

And it was more than that. When I bought my car in 2007, the seat was a little too small to be really comfortable. My knees hurt always and I couldn’t crouch down. Going up and down stairs to do laundry…ugh. I would get so winded. Walking anywhere carrying stuff would hurt my back. Activities I always enjoyed, I avoided.

I could have just continued to contribute my limitations to getting older. I know people who do that. But I also knew that wasn’t really the case. When I started Weight Watchers in July of 2008, I knew I had to do something. Did I think Weight Watchers was the thing? Not really. I figured I’d start and stop the way I always had before. And then something wonderful happened. I lost a few pounds and started walking again. And I felt better. And there was more energy. And I felt younger again and the whole thing just clicked.

I think then, even though I may not have consciously realized it until Saturday, subconsciously, I knew that my age wasn’t setting the limits. My fitness level was. From there, I’ve gone on to lose 60 pounds and participate in triathlons. And I’m planning to run a half marathon next year too. Why? Because I can. Because I’m redefining my limits.

I’m realistic as to how long it may take to reach these goals, but I’m not going to let my weight and fitness level stop me anymore from trying. Enough limits are placed on us from forces we can’t necessarily control. But I’m done limiting myself with unhealthy habits and a body that I’d forgotten had so much strength.

What’s limiting you and what can you do to change it?

Weight Watchers Relationship Update

So after much soul searching yesterday and a long conversation with my Weight Watchers online point tracker last night….we cried, we laughed, we reminisced about the good times and tried to figure out where things started going wrong…I decided that, overall, the relationship has been good for me and deserves another chance. Besides, just once, I’d like to get to lifetime member at Weight Watchers. That would be cool.

However, I am taking a little vacation. We need some time away from each other to sort out the issues and recommit to the long-term goals. I’ve gotten too caught up in the day-to-day details and it’s making things difficult.

So after weighing in this morning— I lost the same .8 pounds I gained last week so I’m back to my weight of two weeks ago— I’m not weighing in again for two weeks. The home scale is going in the closet (or I may have hubby hide it where I can’t find it) and I’m not checking my weight until August 27 at Weight Watchers.

I’m also taking a break from points again. I’ll continue to track my food, but I’m going to focus more on the quality of the food I eat (I’ve gotten much better about this in the past month or so) than on the points.

Still, however, when I have two points left and it’s a choice between a WW chocolate chip cookie or a yogurt, the cookie always wins. When I take the points away, I’ll eat the yogurt because that’s what I really want and I know I can have the cookie if I want it later. Then I don’t always even eat the cookie. It’s surprising to me that even though I know this, I slip back into this behavior all the time. And that’s the thing that I really need to change.

So we’re on hiatus, me and Weight Watchers. Just for two weeks to see how it goes. I know on my part, there’ll be lots of yearning (to track those points and step on that scale), but for Weight Watchers, well it has so many others to tend to, I’m sure I won’t be missed too much.

These next two weeks, I’ll be focusing on my triathlon training, feeling good about how far I’ve come, finding some balance and being happy with me again as I am right now. I’ve let the struggles with the scale get in the way of that. I may even finally get to that Pilates class.

After all, when I started this journey this time, I promised myself it wasn’t going to be about the numbers. It was about getting healthy. I’ve accomplished that and that needs to remain the focus.

Thank you to all my twitter and blogging friends for your input and insight. It really helped so much!

Is It Time To Break Up With Weight Watchers?

Lately, I’m feeling obsessed with food and the scale. My weight loss, while moving again, is still very slow and frustrating. And as I get closer to my weigh-in each week (on Thursdays), I step on the scale every day and get frustrated when it goes up instead of down when I’m eating right. On days like yesterday, sometimes the weight fluctuations (even though rationally I know they are from water weight, hormones or whatever else) throw me into a funk, which can ultimately lead to poor eating behaviors, as in “Oh hell, nothing is working anyway so why not eat that row of Oreo cookies?”

I’m on Weight Watchers and for the past year, it has worked for me. I’ve stayed accountable because I have to get on that scale every week. But the scale doesn’t tell the whole story. And lately the scale doesn’t want to tell any story at all while my body adjusts to its new smaller, fitter size. I would still like to lose 20 pounds but I’ve lost 60 in the past year and that’s a pretty big adjustment.

On Weight Watchers, too, my mindset about food hasn’t so much changed as shifted. Don’t get me wrong, it’s shifted in a good way, but I still spend way too much time thinking about food. When I was fat, I’d think about my next snack, meal, binge… all day long. I’d have peace while eating, and then afterward, I’d spend time feeling guilty for overdoing it at the meal, snack, binge.

Now that I’ve lost weight, guess what I think about? Right. My next meal, snack….not so much binge anymore since I have to get on the scale on Thursdays at weigh in. But I do obsess about my food still. If I have a snack in my drawer set for 11:00, I’m thinking about it by 10:00 and by 11:00, I’m ripping into whatever it is, whether I’m hungry or not. If I choose not to eat something because I have to weigh in on Thursday, I spend time wanting it and feeling deprived, often only to be disappointed at the Thursday weigh-in when the scale doesn’t  move much anyway.

And guess what I do after my Thursday weigh-in each week? C’mon you know the answer to this if you ever read this blog. Or if you’ve ever been a weight watcher. I eat. Usually, the wrong things in too-high quantities. And trust me, free-for-all food Thursday is worse when that scale doesn’t budge.

When I decided to lose weight  a year ago, what I really wanted was to be healthy and to have a healthy relationship with food. I definitely have a better relationship with food in that I’ve re-introduced fruits and veggies, lean proteins and whole grains and limit the bad stuff, but I still think about food all the time. I’d like to be more like my naturally thin friends who eat when they are hungry. What a concept. No schedule, no obsessing. Just I’m hungry. Time to eat. I’m full. Time to stop.

Weight Watchers has incorporated the hunger assessment idea into the program, but for me it’s been about the food schedule and “when can I eat next?” What can I have today?” What can’t  I have today?” “It’s Thursday! Free-for-all Food day!”

I’m so happy with the changes I’ve made and I really do have Weight Watchers to thank for a lot of it. But I’m wondering, if I ever want to get to the next level, of simply eating for sustenance, is it time to shift my focus away from the number on the scale and more to the way I feel each day?

Do I break up with my scale and with Weight Watchers for a while and focus on other things like triathlon training? Obviously I would still need to plan and journal so I don’t slide back into bad behaviors. Or do I stick to what I’m currently doing and just try to reset my mind around the number frustration I’m feeling? It’s scary to think of walking away from Weight Watchers as it has become such an integral part of my routine this past year. At the same time, it’s not working as well anymore, so maybe it’s time to make a change. Thoughts?

The 3 Musketeers Bar Challenge

3MsktrsMainYesterday, around 4:00 pm, I was headed out to my niece’s birthday part and had to stop at Walgreen’s for a card and a couple of waters for hubby and me for the ride. For whatever reason, I strolled down the candy aisle aimlessly, not really knowing what I was looking for. But when I chanced upon the 3 Musketeers bars, I knew exactly why I ended up in that aisle.

There’s something about 3 Musketeers bars for me. They are such chocolately goodness, but lower in fat? Somehow, if I’m going to eat a candy bar, that is always the one I gravitate toward. I snatched up the candy bar, went to the register and paid (before I had a chance to rethink my decision) and hopped in the car. Where I rethought my decision.

Between the Walgreen’s register and the car, I had rationalized that if I ate that candy bar on the way to the party, I wouldn’t want cake (and the 3 Musketeers bar would be less points–it’s five. I know this. This was not my first 3 Musketeers bar). I’d eat less chips. Somehow, eating this candy bar would keep me from eating anything diabolical at a 12-year-old’s birthday. Yeah, right.

In the car, before I ripped the wrapper off that yummy candy, I decided to search for a pen, fill out the card and be ready when we arrived (even though we had a half hour ride.) I put the 3 Musketeers bar in my pocketbook and opened my water and took a swig. Now, even though the candy was calling my name–quite loudly, in fact… DH kept asking what was that noise coming from my bag–I suddenly had the urge to resist. I think they call this mindful eating?

So I didn’t eat the 3 Musketeers bar. It haunted me throughout the whole party, where I also didn’t eat chips and diabolical foods and only had a tiny two-bite sliver of cake. Not sure what was up with that either since I can almost never resist cake.

On the ride home, having eaten nothing at the party, I was hungry. DH wanted pizza so we stopped for that. I had a slice of pizza and then I was off to the movies with a friend to see Julie & Julia. I still had the 3 Musketeers bar in my bag and rationalized now that if I wanted movie treats (having been so well-behaved at the party), I had my candy already.

Instead, I just drank water. And thoroughly enjoyed the movie. On the way home, I considered the 3 Musketeers bar again but now it was late and I didn’t want to eat chocolate at midnight. Besides, having resisted it all afternoon, I was curious to see if I could continue.

It’s now 8:45 pm on Sunday and that 3 Musketeers bar is still in my pocketbook. I haven’t eaten it yet. And I’ve eaten very healthfully all day. And I won’t tonight now either. I’m debating whether I should keep it in my pocketbook to see how long I can resist it….

Or maybe I’ll just give it to my son and be done with it.

I’m curious though. Anyone know why it’s called a 3 Musketeers bar? I mean, technically, it’s only really two versions of the same flavor.

UPDATE: On my way up to bed last night, I stopped at my son’s room, knocked on his door and handed him the 3 Musketeer bar. “What’s this for?” he asked. “I don’t want it,” I replied. “Oh.”

I figured I shouldn’t continue to tempt fate. It’s good to have a 21-year-old in the house who isn’t watching his weight.

When The Going Gets Tough…

I’m having a bad day. I woke up with a headache and I’m cranky. I was up .8 at weight watchers this morning for no apparent reason. Down yesterday on the scale, up today. Ah, the joys of being a girl. I miscalculated bill payments and I’m broke until payday tomorrow. I have a doctor’s appointment directly after work and then an appointment with my accountant directly after that. Did I mention I’m being audited by the IRS? Just one more thing to worry about. Ugh.

I am generally a positive, happy person. I take things in stride. I handle stress well. I am grateful for good things that happen to me or come my way. I’m generous where I can be and I’m a nice person. Really.

This, though, has been a tough year with one challenge after another after another. It seems we get one thing cleared up, and oh, here comes the next thing. I’m feeling a little picked on by the powers that be. What is it I’m supposed to be learning from all this stupid stuff? So, I’ve been feeling sorry for myself all day.

But, as with so many things we worry about day to day, most of the crummy stuff that has happened or is happening ends up turning out ok. It’s not perfect, but it’s not anything we can’t handle either. Seriously what’s the worst that can happen in this audit? I’ll owe Uncle Sam more money because I’m a lousy record-keeper? They’ll just have to wait in line like everyone else, cause I just don’t have it.

I’m spending my last few minutes of the workday trying to focus on the more positive side of my life and be grateful for all that I have been given and have accomplished in these past months. I have my health. I have my family. I have a job. I have a roof over my head.I have audit protection with my accounting firm, so while this IRS tax audit is going to be a royal pain in the butt, I don’t have to sit across the desk from a scary auditor looking at me like a criminal. My accountant gets to do that. And she’s better at it.

And so what I gained .8 at Weight Watchers today. I know this weight gain is temporary. As is all the crummy stuff that I have to go through. When it’s done, I won’t be going through it anymore.

And it’s Thursday… weigh-in day. So after all of the icky stuff I have to do tonight, I get to have pizza. I’m grateful for that.

I’ll Do It My Way (and you should do it your way)

pizzaOver at the FoodFoodBodyBody blog, Foodie McBody has a post about eating an amazing slice of pizza after deliberating about it for a quite a while. Bottom line, she ate it, she enjoyed it, and she stayed within the boundaries of her health and fitness plan.

In the comments section, there was everything from “I could never eat pizza or anything else not on my healthy list” to me, who eats pizza at least once a week. A slice of heaven pizza is only 6 points, although, living here in NY, I usually count it as 8 on Weight Watchers. I fit it in to my points or I use weekly points. I can also stick to one slice, maybe 1 and a 1/2  if I’m particularly hungry.

The point is there is no one way to do the diet/exercise thing right. What’s most important is finding the way that works for you.

There are definitely foods that I can’t have in the house because I have no control, like Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies or potato chips and any kind of dip. There’s no stopping once I start. So I reserve those things for parties where the environment is somewhat more controlled and if I eat more than I should, I can’t continue the feast when I leave.

But I also know from previous diet starts and stops that to succeed, I need to be able to eat some of my old-time favorites with the new foods that I enjoy.

As I’ve proceeded on this journey, my tastes have changed along with my weight. In the beginning, I never didn’t have 100-calorie Hostess cupcakes in the house because if I needed a chocolate fix, that’s what I wanted. Now I don’t buy them regularly and I’m more likely to turn to a Kashi bar or cocoa-roasted almonds. However, that’s not to say I don’t have an occasional chocolate bar or get my hostess cupcakes once in a while. Those are foods that I can eat a portion of and then get back on track.

Following Weight Watchers has allowed me to continue to eat all kinds of food and lose weight without feeling deprived. I tried Jenny Craig once and lasted a week. I did Atkins for about 3 months. Those didn’t work for me but I know they work magic for other people.

With exercise, it’s the same thing. Some folks walk, some run, some Zumba, I triathlon.

It doesn’t matter what path you choose as long as you enjoy it and it’s something you will get up and go do on a daily or every-other-day basis. And you can always add/change it up as you go too.

There is tons of advice on how to diet and how to exercise to lose weight. But not all of those things work for everyone.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again because it is the one thing I have truly learned on my fitness journey this time: You can read all the advice and listen to all the experts but if you don’t like what they are telling you to do or you feel like you can’t stick to a program, it isn’t going to work for you. You have to experiment with different foods/exercises, find programs that you can stick to and do that.

Maybe it’s because we get so sucked in by the media and advertising about all of the diet claims that our weights go up and down so often. We can all lose weight on a program we can stick to temporarily, but can we keep it off when we can’t stick with that program anymore?

This time, I’ve taken it slow and steady and I know the changes I’m making will last a lifetime because guess what? I can still eat pizza!