Climbing Back On The Wagon After A Hard Fall

littleredwagonWhen I wrote my blog post on Wednesday, I wrote that I was struggling with staying on track food-wise. I somehow managed to stay in control until that evening when I came home to pizza and scarfed two pieces without even thinking about it. I will admit, even though I felt a little guilty later, it felt GOOD to eat with abandon. So good, in fact, that it sent me on a downward spiral for the next four days. By day four, however, it didn’t feel so good anymore.

Thursday there was seafood bisque in a bread bowl and delicious chocolate truffles. Friday it was an overload on english muffins with butter and cinnamon sugar (a favorite treat but I always stop at one. Mind you, these are the high-fiber, low-cal multigrain english muffins and I used light butter, but still. Did I really need two of them?

Saturday, ah what can I say about Saturday. If it didn’t try to run away from me, I ate it. Candy, more pizza, whoopie pies (have you ever had those?) ice cream….the list goes on. Food shopping was a dangerous thing to do on Saturday.

And yesterday, while I started to regain some control, I still ate some of the wrong things.

During this, I did still try to make some healthy choices, as though that would somehow magically make the madness stop. It didn’t. And I exercised and drank my water…same reasoning, same results.

By last night though, I felt out of control and a little nervous that I’d screwed up big-time and wouldn’t be able to pull it back. And my stomach hurt.

I think I’d been heading toward this for awhile, and that may have a lot to do with my stalled weight loss. Little tastes here and there that I wasn’t tracking, a slightly larger than measured portion, an extra treat.

Last night, through a twitter conversation with @patbarone, I realized that I had put myself on vacation mentality, and I was also feeling overwhelmed by stuff I have to get done at home over the next few days. Procrastination by food.

This morning, though, on the 3-mile run that I really didn’t feel like tackling (this is why I sign up for races), I realized that instead of being proud of myself, I’ve been beating myself up again. Instaed of focusing on how far I’ve come, I’ve been frustrated with how slow the weight loss is going and that I’d like to be further along in my tri training.

While I was running this morning, I reversed that. How far have I come, for goodness sake? What can I do now that I couldn’t a year ago? What positive changes have I made that stuck? I’m running. In the beginning, I was barely walking. I’m a size 12. I was a size 20. I drink lots of water and very little soda. I eat so much healthier than I did. I even eat vegetables and lean protein and whole grains.

So many things have changed for the better for me since I started this journey. So “fat girl” managed to creep back in for a couple of days. “Fit girl” is stronger and today she has pushed “fat girl” to the back corner again.

I don’t doubt that “fat girl” will show up from time to time. She’s been a part of me a lot longer than “fit girl,” and man, does she love her chocolate!  But I know I’m strong enough now to regain my healthy self even after a hard fall off the wagon.

As @patbarone said, “it’s not about what feels good now. It’s about what feels good later.” Today is later, my resolve is back, and I feel great!


4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Jeannie Porter on August 24, 2009 at 5:15 pm

    I can very much relate to everything you said and most of all congratulations for recognizing what was happening and for regaining the strength to hop back on the wagon!

    I weighed less than I had in years last December. I was keeping my weight down, watching and tracking most things, and was managing to maintain a weight I felt relatively happy with although another 10 pounds would have been nice. However, during the holidays my son, his wife, my granddaughter and my daughter spent Christmas with me. I cooked for a week, everyday, huge meals with desserts and I did eat! My consequence was 8 pounds! In the back of my mind I really never thought this possible. I remember hopping on the scales and thinking I have to lose this weight now; however, for me now lead to 5 or 6 more pounds.

    About a month ago I decided enough was enough…especially since I had spent about 6 or 7 years losing over 100 pounds. Anyway, long story short I began a strict diet and exercise program and I have lost about 11 pounds. So I am close to where I was last December. My goal is to continue the weight loss till I reach 25 pounds lost.l My next goal is to remember that binges need to be short term or the consequences will be long term.

    You are doing fantastic in recognizing what was happening and for taking action! I wish I had had your same resolve a few months ago.

    This a very motivating post. Keep up the healthy lifestyle. And thanks for the post! You are doing fantastic on your path to healthy living! I feel quite comfortable in saying that you will lose all the weight you want and you will complete the triatholon!

    Cheers from Kentucky!


    • Wow! Having lost 100 pounds and keeping most of it off is fantastic. I guess we all have those days, weeks, even months where it is so hard to stay on track. I’ve lost weight before, and little by little it creeps back on. It usually starts too with a week like this last week. I’m determined though not to backslide too far into old habits again. Maybe the weekend food fest was the wake-up call I needed.
      Congrats on your 11-pound weight loss. I have no doubt that you will make your goal too!


  2. Posted by Fran on August 24, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    We’re only human Diane and sometimes this kind of things happens along our way of weight loss. I’m doing pretty well right now but I’m sure this is going to happen to me also somewhere along the way.

    You put fat girl back in the corner where she belongs and I’m sure fit girl has come out of this fight much stronger!



  3. I am so glad that Pat could help you through this… I love her insights. Keep being good to yourself!


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